Archive for January 2008

Jeremy Beadle

Wednesday 30th January 2008

Look, it’s not as if I make a habit out of this, but I just have to document the day that Jeremy Beadle is ‘About’ no more. I think that this is a truly sad day because, having heard nothing from him in many years, it’s a shock to think he was that ill.

Back in the ’80s he was the star of prime-time television with his practical jokes on the unsuspecting public and even celebrities with Beadle’s About. And also with You’ve Been Framed when it was actually ‘good’.

Recent televised comical pranks have him to thank. Possibly.

And I won’t mention his small hand.

Oh.

Xbox is crack for kids – FACT! (apparently)

Sunday 20th January 2008

On Saturday 20th January 2008, The Times ran a Comment article (p.21) by Janice Turner, titled ‘Xbox is crack cocaine for the playground‘ (also online). Talking about the tail-end of Christmas and how her kids and their friends were tearing around the house, she wanted them to stop for the sake of some quiet but soon went against herself because they were being active. Why tell them to sit in front of the television if they are enjoying themselves and getting fit at the same time?

And so begins the rather topical (and boring and repetitive) issue of getting kids off of their arses, away from the television and out into the real world for some real interaction. And if you allow them multimedia funness, then it must be with strictly allocated times, rotas, special circumstances, yadda yadda yadda.

You could micromanage them till the cows come home but is it really worthwhile? The battle between multilmedia technology and the ‘days of old’ (when you went out and made your own fun) are classic enemies. If it’s all about them getting fit then they will understand for themselves when they interact with other kids in the playground. And it’s not as if they aren’t learning anything whilst watching television. Equally, using the computer can quickly open up their creativity. It won’t be like what you remember but they’re being mentally active, just in a different way – and quite possibly, much more so in some cases.

But this isn’t the problem. My gripe – and it’s something that is so quite blantantly yet blindly put forward by the uninitiated – is Janice’s comment on video gaming:

Once, such kids [who don't have access to television] would be the playground outcasts, but no longer. Mine are. Because, unlike the TV-hating parents, I refuse to buy them portable gaming consoles, Xboxes, GameCubes, PS2s. These are Satan’s Sudoku, crack cocaine of the brain. Even the crappiest cartoon or lamest soap teaches a child about character, plot, drama, humour, life. Playing videogames, children are mentally imprisoned, wired into their evil creators’ brains. And they play them – beepety-beep – on journeys, over family meals, any minute in which they find themselves unamused.

So, Janice – who seemingly hates modern technology – would rather have her children watching absolutely fucking crap television, soaps like Eastenders or sitcoms like those early-morning American canned-laughter shows. Shows that have plots so weak that a day of real-life work is actually more interesting, and humour that invokes a wry smile only when intiated by unemotional laughter. What is there to learn from these? There is far more crap than good on television these days. The only thing I look forward to is the daily news, but how would you ever get a child to be interested in that?

If her children are ‘mentally imprisoned’, then it surely shows more about Janice than the medium itself. Can she not interact with her kids when they are playing? Ask them what they are doing, get them to tell you the story and the reasoning behind their actions. And maybe, just maybe – if you want to listen – you might realise that some games are a hell of a lot better than written than your everyday soaps. I mean, even my Mum sometimes shows some interest in what I’m doing – and she doesn’t like gaming either. And if they are in their rooms playing, then only Janice is to blame. As a parent, surely you know better than to cave in and put a television in their room? If you want them to interact with the world, why did you set them out not to in the first place?

And it’s quite clear that Janice Turner irrationally hates videogames and quite probably dropped the names Guitar Hero and Super Mario Galaxy without actually knowing what they are. You tell me how Guitar Hero doesn’t teach about rhythm, improve hand-eye coordination, and make people interact with others. Furthermore, surely having them listen to proper music and not the pop-shite we have these days is a good thing – the origins of music and where influences upon modern songs can be felt. And Super Mario Galaxy? Are lateral thinking problems, understanding and utilising the effects of gravity, and just plain old fun not good enough for you, Janice?

These ‘evil creators’, as she labels them, generate a huge revenue for an industry that is growing faster than any other – just look at the recent Christmas business of HMV and Game. They create fantasy and down-to-earth stories (some that are more believable than your average programme); they create visual identity and worlds beyond many a person’s imagination; they coordinate audio and immerse you into an experience. They are a band of merry men (and women) who share a common goal and gather together to produce something for others to enjoy. And what about the jobs they create? Quite how you can classify them as evil is beyond me. Are you, Janice, just thinking about Grand Theft Auto or the more recent controversy over Manhunt 2 (which I believe is currently under reclassification)?

Janice, like many others, seems to jump on the Daily Mail bandwagon on things she just does not fully understand or appreciate. Have you actually played any modern videogames for a length of time and, as a result, are adamant that they really are ‘Satan’s Sudoku’ (whatever that is supposed to portray)? Let your kids just play and regulate them as you do with the television. I used to play quite a bit when I was younger, but as you get older there are better things to do than just play games. And when I do play, I try to find games that have two-players because it makes things that more fun.

I really don’t think that there can be any excuse for such blantant shortsightedness, because it’s people like Janice who willy-nilly about the subject and show videogames in bad light. Why bring up this subject as part of a cause and effect with such little basis and even less clarification in its influence?

I think it’s time for her children to say: hey, this is the bit where you pick up a copy of Edge and understand the culture and work that must be put into creating videogames. Or game over, Janice: get a life.

See, between Holby City and Half-Life Portal, I know how I’d like to spend 30 minutes.

Double-A Chickens

Sunday 13th January 2008

There’s been quite a flurry of action going on this week with all things chickeny . For those unaware, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Jamie Oliver have been making people aware of what battery (’standard’) chicken is, how it comes to us and why. How can supermarkets afford to provide two birds for a fiver? Surely there’s no money to be made – although we know that supermarkets do, so it’ll be the farmers that get shafted.

So, with Hugh setting up his own intensive battery farm and comparing it against a free-range equivalent, residents of his home-town (and us) get to actually see the conditions in which our meat lives before it arrives on our table.

And with Jamie, he hosts a dinner with members of the public, showing, well… more or less the same sort of thing, but actually cooking the chicken for people to taste.

The result? Well, the whole thing would have been a waste of time if it didn’t turn out how they wanted, would it? People’s “eyes were opened” to the “horrors of [the chickens'] living condition”, etc. etc.

And so people go about buying free-range (or those less intensively bred) chickens instead, thinking that they’re doing the world a favour. Well done. On your short-sightedness.

Thing is, how and why would you think everything is going to be oh-so-much better just from buying free-range? Stop your crying about intensive chicken because you’ve just seen how cruel it ever was; you’ve been eating it all your life and now you’ve grown a fucking conscience about it? Why don’t you just stuff off, you spanner.

Let me make it clear; it’s not saying that buying free-range variety isn’t a great idea, I’m sure it is. But I’m not quite sure that it’ll get the revolutionary turn around that these chefs want. The thing is, I’ve got no qualms about buying standard chicken and eating it. Nor about battery-farmed eggs. Or Hellman’s Mayonnaise, as it turns out that they use battery eggs for this too. And I’m sure a hell of a lot of people who make a point about buying free-range weren’t aware of this fact (I certainly wasn’t and I don’t even care about free-range).

I can imagine that the 95% of us eating standard will drop down to… 94%. Hazzah! Maybe free-range is nicer; I can’t tell the difference so maybe I haven’t any taste buds(!) But, hey, great for the chickens, so how cares.

Except for the farmers, of course, who apparently only get tens of pence per standard chicken they sell. So it’s no wonder why they do intensive farming – how else are they going to make a living. Maybe free-range provides more pence per bird, but then that’s less birds per square meter, so quite possibly less pence overall. Lose-lose situation? Seems like it.

I could just be one of the minority or majority, but last week’s TV was just entertainment rather than anything to affect my way of life. It was good entertainment, mind, and there were things to learn (like a couple of the regulations) but you could never shake hte feeling that TV, being TV, allows for the editing to make you care.

And this forthcoming week sees Gordon Ramsey hosting a live cooking session (seemingly without any moral undertones) and Jamie cutting up dead, unfit corpses with Gunther von Hagens (you know, that professor who likes to examine people’s innards on TV in front of an audience).

And one final thing, the government are planning on stopping the production of battery-farmed eggs from 2012 onwards. You can look forward to free-range eggs ’soon’. Eggs only, mind. I can’t quite see it extending to chickens any time soon.

By the way, I’ve not got anything to back me up other than wild speculation and stuff from the TV. But still, that’s the whole point of a blog, isn’t it? Blantant lying and whatnot?

Violence and some

Wednesday 2nd January 2008

Two more reviews up at Gamesrant. Firstly, Assassin’s Creed that sees you play an assassin in the Middle Ages killing people for the greater good. Beyond the rather simple combat mechanic is the really-quite-good Parkour element that provide proper, automatic interaction with your surroundings. Other games must take note.

Secondly, Kane & Lynch: Dead Men . New IP from Eidos that is also quite good, violent fun. From the breakout of a police van to the revenge killing of those that put you away, it’s quite a kinetic romp and all the better for being made with co-op in mind.